SoulSpaPsych@hush.com
Dating & Couples Therapy
You just got another “Hey, wyd?” or “Good morning, beautiful.”
As you look down at the text, part of you wonders if it’ll go somewhere if you respond.
Who knows… maybe you’ll get a whole conversation this time!
Or you could end up on a date…
Or embark on a beautiful, loving relationship.
But the fed-up part of you writes this message off as trash.
You block the person, delete the app and buy a book on being “happily single.”
You are tired of searching for a loving relationship…
Tired of changing yourself to be what other people want…
Tired of meeting the needs of others while yours are totally ignored…
You want a loving and happy relationship but struggle to find the right person.
People almost universally agree that dating is hard.
But part of what makes it so hard is the conflicting and harmful advice in the world.
You are told to be distant… then you are advised to pursue.
You are told to multi-date or have a “roster,” but you already know you want a one-on-one connection.
You are told to stop dating and use positive thinking to “manifest” your soul mate…
And so many other things make it… “complicated.”
You know you still need space to know and love yourself more deeply and fully.
Fear fills your heart as you imagine dating the same person again in a different body.
You’ve been hurt in the past, and that trauma affects your ability to let people in.
Yeah, it’s hard… but it’s also very important.
A healthy, loving, romantic relationship can improve your quality of life. Good relationships have been shown to increase financial stability, lengthen your life, increase sexual satisfaction and be a source of joy.
So, it makes sense to invest time, attention, money and effort into choosing a partner.
Many people, apps and bad advice can waste your time and make you vulnerable to being traumatized. This is why you have to walk strongly in your right to enjoy healthy, romantic love.
I offer dating therapy, so you won’t have to do it alone.
Are you frustrated from sorting through endless faces to find what you’re looking for?
Learn to read profiles for language and images that indicate a person is more likely to be a healthier dating choice and match for you.
I can help you craft dating profiles that screen out people who might waste your time. You want the time-wasters to swipe left!
Do you continually overlook the red flags?
Spending time dating in a way that doesn’t match your values may seem like you are “expanding your options.” But instead, you just come away feeling like you wasted your time.
You want children, but you spend time dating people who are undecided about children.
You listen politely when your date complains about their “toxic“ ex.
Your date asks you to get physical immediately to ensure you have chemistry.
Working with a therapist to clarify your attraction to a dating partner in real-time can help you end unhealthy cycles before they even start, saving you valuable time and emotional pain.
Is it hard for you to say “goodbye”?
You poured your heart and soul into this almost-great relationship.
They pulled away, saying it was just bad timing.
You know you can wait a little longer for the beautiful life you planned together.
You cry through it and try to be more patient… they just need time to reflect.
In therapy, you can understand and move through the attachment and abandonment wounds of an unwanted breakup. This can help you heal, focus on your long-term dating goals and bring your best self into a healthy partnership.
Do you struggle to love the “unworthy” or “ugly” parts within?
Anxiety, depression or OCD have been part of your life for a long time.
Your mother struggled with mental illness.
Your father wasn’t involved in your life.
You carry emotional scars from being bullied about your weight, skin color or hair texture as a child.
Because of these wounds, you don’t know if anybody will ever truly love the real you.
You avoid sabotage or hurting yourself in the process of dating.
I can help you become more ready for love by confronting your deepest fears of inadequacy.
Using therapeutic techniques to go deeper into your childhood story, we can unearth old stories and mine them for diamonds. I can help you revive what is truly yours and leave the rest behind. By leading with self-love, you can confront those fears and firmly set high expectations of those you date.
Wherever you are
in the dating world…
Now is a good time to bring in professional help.
There may be a little voice saying that dating therapy isn’t necessary. People have told you that you will eventually figure it out.
But this is your invitation to try a new approach. Invest in your love life the same way you invest in your career, education and health…
Let’s talk about how I can help you meet your dating goals.
Call or text me for a free 15-minute consultation.
Couples Therapy
Relationships have ups and downs.
You are on your side of the bed, hoping they reach out to touch you.
Today was another hard day.
You passed each other this morning when you were on the way to the bathroom.
You said “good morning” but with no kiss.
You each left or logged on for work with no “I love you” goodbye.
Friends, family, and co-workers think that everything is fine.
But you don’t feel the “spark” anymore.
You lay awake in bed, fearing the truth: you love each other but aren’t “in love” anymore.
You are scared to speak up and ask for more. Your old traumas are coming up again. You are worried that they might be better off with someone else. You worry that you are not enough. You have a big emotional need but don’t want to be a burden.
It is hard to live with these doubts about your relationship. You want to be happy but don’t want to feel like you are forcing the other person to be happy with you.
Love is extremely important.
We often dream about having that perfect partner who can soothe us when we are hurting and love us in all the right ways.
It’s true that we often over-idealize love, but it’s not total fiction.
Romantic love truly is an opportunity for healing and redemption—to finally make things right.
Seeing that a person can know everything about you and still choose to be with you sends a powerful message of acceptance: You must be amazing if you can be loved so deeply.
Unfortunately, so many things get in the way.
Finding, giving, accepting, and maintaining that kind of love isn’t easy.
Maybe things were easy at the beginning, but now you have so much resentment that your guard is always up.
You used to believe that they were “the one,”… but now you feel too disillusioned to try.
Your work schedule is too busy, and your relationship has faded into the background of your life.
You are afraid to face the problems because you worry about losing everything.
This is especially true for BIPOC and LGBTQ+ communities.
For people who have been dealing with the burdens of oppression based on race, gender or sexual orientation, romantic love is also a healing space from the outside world.
And for LGBTQ+ folks, there’s often pressure for the relationship to replace family or community lost in the process of coming out.
You want to be a team. You want to shelter each other from the storms of life and oppression. You want to feel fully accepted, flaws and all.
My approach to couples therapy…
… focuses on helping you turn vulnerability into a pleasurable experience.
We’ll start with inner vulnerability, learning to love the most unworthy parts of yourself.
You have childhood trauma because of the way you were parented. You experienced bullying in school, and you fear you are inadequate. You struggle with anxiety, depression, gender dysphoria or OCD and you worry that you may be a burden to your partner.
You’ve been hurt before, cheated on and disappointed by a loved one.
Even if you have had these conversations many times before, I can help you finally communicate your greatest needs in a way that you can each “get it.”
Then we will move to create a shared space of loving vulnerability with your partner.
Share your fears with each other in a safe way.
See each other’s wounds through the eyes of love and compassion.
Learn to soothe yourselves and each other in ways that work.
Identify creative ways to make your relationship the answer.
Feel the warmth, “spark,” and close again.
Learn to co-regulate and improve your attachment styles.
Once we have this new secure base, you can each feel free to open up your wildest fantasies as the fun of creating the relationship of your dreams can begin!
I know it can be scary to come in for therapy…
What if it doesn’t work?
Should we just break up now?
What if therapy makes things worse?
This may be hard to accept, but there are no guarantees in life and love. But the wisdom and new patterns you practice in therapy can give you a much better chance at lasting love.
I provide culturally centered and LGBTQ+ affirming therapy in a warm, relaxing, safe space, helping you reimagine your problems as an opportunity for a romantic adventure!
Let’s team-up.
Call or text me today for your free 15-minute consultation to see how I can help: